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It‘s happened. I was right not to feel secure in my relationship.

Mr Nice was ever so nice, even as he told me it was over.

It didn’t really start out as a breaking-up conversation, but then again, these things rarely do. No, it was more of an I-need-to-tell-you-how-I-feel sort of conversation.

And what Mr Nice feels is very ambiguous, because on the one hand, he feels good when he is with me, and I basically make him happy, on the other hand he doesn’t feel like committing. And this stresses him out because of our children (his and mine), and the responsibility they represent.

One thing surprised, and pleased me in a funny way: He said he was really appreciative that I did not pressure him at all. So even though the end result is no different, it wasn’t because of my insecurity. And it is a relief to at least not feel responsible for my own unhappiness.

Anyway, I felt strangely detached at first, as I watched things play out almost in slow motion: His worried face, “we need to talk”, his tears, the closeness that comes from a good heart-to-heart, followed by an artificial drift opening between us.

There is something absurd, surreal about break-ups. The way one minute you are a couple and the next, you are two exes. You start using the past tense to talk about the two of you, to think about the things you need to return to each other, and practical consequences, but nothing is real yet. You haven’t yet seen their face everywhere, heard the deafening silence of your telephone, or missed their touch, their voice.

All this is yet to come.

Only the next morning did I actually start crying, and listening to this song on a loop: Eiffel – Place de mon coeur (place of my heart). You have to click on the link, which will open a new window and click on the play icon down the page. A bit of an effort, but well worth it if you want to hear some of the best stuff French rock has to offer.


14 thoughts on “Crash

    • Thank you Kim. I know I can make it through this, and let’s face it, this is nothing compared to what happened with T. At least Mr Nice is a really nice man, he’s just scared by responsibilities, and possibly not as separated from his ex as he thinks… Shame :(.

  1. Well that sucks. I am a bit surprised. Its always difficult if you both have baggage and children but You seemed so happy together. He seems like a thoroughly decent man and this is not nice for either of you. On a positive note it was a very good first step after the Mr T horror. My thoughts are with you.

    • You’re right, it was a very good first step…Shame it has to be a first step, and not just the next step, because yes, we are happy together. But children, responsibilities, and as I said to Kim, his ex possibly still taking up more space than he thinks… I am really sad about it, but it isn’t the end of the world. Thank you for your support, it’s funny how it really means a lot. xx

  2. I agree with Peter – it sucks. It was a good way to test the water after Mr T departed. You haave proved yourself to be strong and capable on your own. I’m thinking of you today and hoping that the right one will come along soon.
    Meantime, allow yourself to grieve. It’s natural. 🙂

    • Thanks Judith, your thoughts are a comfort. I know I am strong and capable on my own, but life is so much nicer with someone else :(…
      And I really liked him so I am bitterly disappointed. xx

  3. Ah damn. I’m sorry to hear that. At least you were willing to get out there and give it a go. I can’t even think about ever dating again so I’m in awe that you were willing to.

    • Thanks BRD. Getting back into the dating world is scary, but life is too short not to enjoy it, and for me, sharing it with someone else just makes it so much sweeter… You will be ready for it too, one day. But let me tell you, I am not getting back out there in a hurry. This really smarts. 😦

  4. I’m sorry, E. Your instincts were telling you something wasn’t right but that doesn’t make it any easier. I hope you have time to pamper yourself. I’m thinking of you and sending cyber hugs.

  5. Aw naww. I’m so disappointed that Mr. Nice was not Mr. Wonderful for you. And I’m sorry that you have to mend a broke heart again. But I also agree that the sharing life with someone is well worth the risk. When will we ever learn?

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