Criss-cross

IMG_1595_2 I sit on a train, slicing deep into  the Provence countryside. Orchards, cypress hedges and lavender fields, still in the brutal Summer heat.

Another intense week at work is over, and I am heading South to see my children for the weekend, feeling numb.

Over the last few weeks, work has been manic, and Mr Xmas and I have been criss-crossing the no-man’s land between being exes and being friends.

At first, he came around occasionally to look after the children (as he had said he would). We exchanged minimal parcels of information, minutely wrapped in defiance and fear.

As the days wore on, Mr Xmas kept helping with a few practical things, and things somewhat relaxed into a neutral stance. I even asked Mr Xmas for hugs, which he oblingingly provided after a couple of gruelling days.

Finally, last weekend, I dropped my children off at their holiday destination, before coming back home to work, effectively removing any practical excuses to see each other.

This is when Mr Xmas offered to pick me up from the station… And so we have seen each other a couple of times, chatted about work, the children, the heatwave, carefully skirting around the elephantine mass of bruised feelings and broken hopes in the room.

From the outside, it could almost look like we’re back to our years of easy, open friendship. From the inside, something is missing…

The train has stopped, and Montpellier greets me with its powerful smell of sea breeze, oleander, and heated sewers. At the end of the road, my children, their joy, and the certainty that life is beautiful.

To my son, who loves this song.

Youssoupha ft. Madame Monsieur – Smile

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4 thoughts on “Criss-cross

    • Dear Peter,
      That’s so true. Bringing them up is hard work, a source of doubt, worry and tiredness. But they anchor me into life when much else fails, their intelligence humbles me, and their happiness is catching.
      Thanks for your small parcel, which I unwrap with gratitude 😉
      xx

  1. Another parcel of love and best wishes from this side of the world. Children are a constant source of love and amazement and as you say, they anchor you to your world.

  2. Dear Judith,
    Thank you for your kind words and parcel. They are like the candles and fire that warmed your home. xx
    PS. Mine needs cooling right now 😉

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