Epilogue : Three Januarys


Fate has a sense of humour: Last year’s Xmas present form my friend Aude…

On the first of January 2011, my partner T left brutally. Thus started the story of this blog, and my journey through gut-wrenching heartbreak.

I have few memories of the early days, when this blog was born out of a the tidal wave of shock. My choked disbelief, permanent nausea, an endless free-fall into darkness…

What followed was a year of war between pain, and courage. Pain so bad it turns you into a terrified infant, pain that makes you hate, regret, and forget how beautiful life is.

Courage as deep and primal as the fear, courage that drags you back ashore kicking when you just want to sink, courage that feeds from your children’s silent plea, and the closed ranks of family and friends behind you.

After an exhausting year, marred in grief and self-doubt came 2012, and timid new beginnings. In early January 2012, I got a belated Xmas present from my friend Aude.

That day, we went through our usual ritual of tea and chatter, over the din of our offspring, joked, ate chocolate, and decided that the new year could only be a good one.

That night, I met Mr Nice…

… This morning as the alarm clock called the start of yet another glacial January morning, his arm snaked around me, and pulled me closer.

And so ends my story, and this blog. Even though I have no idea what the future will bring, the last few months have been the happiest in a long, long, really very long time, and I feel confident. A whole new chapter of my life has started.

Many, many thanks to my readers & faithful commenters for their invaluable support. You were all part of the force that drove me forward to a better place, and for that I am immensely grateful.

If you are just at the beginning of your own journey into heartbreak, know that, as unbelievable as it may sound, you will be happy again. I have been where you are, and I am nothing special. Our ability to heal and rebuild ourselves is something so banal, yet so very extraordinary.

Arthur H – La beauté de l’amour (what else ? )

Girls, here is a sexy voice alert over Arthur H, enjoy !


30 thoughts on “Epilogue : Three Januarys

  1. Hold on a minute. I thought Mr Nice was off the scene? Is this a new one? You can’t finish your blog here, I’m far too curious about how it will all turn out!! 😉 Glad you’re in a good place though, that’s great to hear xxx

    • I know… The thing is that Mr Nice was never totally off the scene. We became good friends post breakup, gradually became closer and closer, until he decided that in spite of his fear of responsibilities, he really liked me more than as a friend. We are treading things carefully, because well, the luggage we both carry is still there, but things are radically different this time round. We know, and trust each other a lot more, I am so much more relaxed and confident, he’s willing to work through his fears because he thinks I am worth it.
      Will this be enough ? Time will tell… Meanwhile, I am in a good place.
      Thank you for your support. xx

  2. This is such a nice story. My man dumped me just before christmas, its good to know that you can get over it and start again. I started blogging because it helps me to write things down, and I can say things that I can’t articulate to my family and friends. Take care!
    Jane x

    • It is a new beginning indeed, well, not so new really, but a very definitely firmer beginning this time. I just don’t know if this is the beginning of something very long-term, but curiously, I am not so worried about it. Life is short, and sweet right now. Let’s just hope it stays this way for a while 🙂
      Take care x

  3. Great video clip!I It has been great to share your journey and I am glad that you have found happiness again.

    Good luck with your new beginnings. 🙂

    • Dear Elizabeth, you will eventually also find it, especially as you seem to be so brave, and a naturally positive person (which is more than I can say about myself).
      Good luck on the way 🙂

  4. I’m so pleased things have gone well for you. On a selfish note, you don’t only Blog for yourself, without possibly meaning to you can Blog for your readers. Articulating what they may be feeling but cannot understand or express as finely as you. Being a source of warmth and understanding in a world which can seem chilly and aloof at times, and giving a laugh to those who need something to make them smile. You have done all thse things for me

    • Dear CD, your unconditional and unfailing support have meant a lot… Funny how things turn out, really, how strangers over the internet can bring each other solace and encouragement in the worst moments.
      Special thank yous ! And while, I’m giving up on writing, I’ll keep in touch with your news… x

    • Thanks Jacqueline, your humour and positivity have been inspiring. I’ll make sure I’ll keep up with your news, and keep taking a leaf out of your mum’s manual..; 🙂 x

  5. I do hope that this isn’t the end for your blog. That in a week or a month and then some you’ll pick up the pen again and share your stories with all of us.. the funny, crazy, high spirited, joyful or even sad stories… and especially the happy stories.
    Thank you for shining a light on your wonderful life and giving us all hope to keep on.
    Shine on!

    • Hello there, You’ve been one of my first readers, and one of the most regular, attentive ones…You’re probably also one of the youngest ones, yet you seem to be having trouble seeing a future for yourself…
      Let the light shine on your face, let that future come find you.
      You’ve got many talents and will do great things with them … 🙂 x

  6. I am immensely happy for you. Feel free to come back with updates. I would love to hear more. And thank you for being supportive of my arduous journey.

    • Pat, thanks for your encouragement, and for sharing your story, your resilience has been inspiring ! I’ll keep track of your adventures… x

    • Dear Katie,
      Thanks for being a quiet but constant “presence”, love your jewellery, wishing you lots and lots of good things. 🙂 x

  7. Ah, yes. 🙂 The post I have been waiting for. I remember when it was so completely impossible for you to imagine the kind of tranquility and hope you have now; I am so very, very glad that you have found it! All the best, always. xo TPG

    • Thanks TPG, and yes, I remember too. You’ve just been a couple of years ahead of me all along, haven’t you 😉 ?
      Yes, let’s hope peace and tranquility have come to stay with both of us for a while… And that our love stories are of the sustainable development kind.

    • Caroline, you deserve your very own own, very special thanks for the part you played in helping me get there. Do stay in touch, remember, you’re supposed to come and visit !? I hope it’s part of your brilliant future’s plans ? xxx

  8. Hi E,

    It’s been quite the journey, n’est-ce pas?

    The pain and uncertainty to something warm and comforting, a slow and staggered transition. But you made it. Congratulations!

    We’ll keep in touch as always.

    Love, SD xxx

    • SD, yes, quite, what a journey huh ? Thank you for being my buddy through this very challenging times, and for having become a real life friend.
      Keep in touch,

  9. I haven’t checked your blog in quite awhile (or written on my own blog, or read many others, etc.), but for some reason popped in here today to check on you. How wonderful to see lovely, happy news! So truly glad you are in a good place and the sun is shining on your corner of the world again. You deserve it. Very best of luck to you!

  10. Whaaaaat?! Noooooooo Lady E! I’m flushed with paradoxical emotions! So happy for you, but so sad to see you go. I’ve always looked forward to reading your excellent prose and feeling your kindred spirit across the globe. So glad to see Mr. Nice came to his senses, but so bitter that he is stealing you away. Well, not really bitter as I am jealous that he gets all of your cleverness to himself.
    All the best, Lady E. It has been a pleasure sharing in this journey with you.

  11. Wow!! I’m so Sorry that I have been away from the blogosphere for so long and missed this a few months ago. This is a wonderful development for you but I think Mr. Nice may be getting the better end of the bargain as he has found Ms Nicer. I hope that your journey continues to be one of discovery …with not so much drama as before. ‘-)
    Peace to you, your family and all things new and old..

    • Awww, thank LFBA ! I also hope this new turn will be of the sustainable development variety 😉 !
      And I wish you and yours a lot of good things xx

  12. Oh Lady E. I don’t know how I missed this post. I am glad that you are looking forward more cheerfully and hopefully things will work out this time with Mr Nice. Hugs and best wishes from this side of the world. 🙂

    • Dear Judith, thank you for your warm wishes… Winter has turned into Spring here, and we are still knitting our little story together. I hope things are well with you, and you are still going strong ! xx

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