I wish for you

Sub-saharan Africa and the arctic circle are currently enjoying a little war, whose front-line is apparently Western Europe. Which means that one morning, I open my shutters, and get shocked-awake by a cool 2°C, and the next morning, having practically donned my ski jacket before risking it, I get hit by a 22°C Summery breeze.

Apart from the interesting scuffle happening overhead, my life has felt singularly dull lately.

Well, not entirely dull, if you account for the fact that I have been juggling workloads, feeling pulled between demands from work, and children, all the while fighting the urge to hide under the duvet, pretending I wasn’t there…

And that I have been going out with three men, which I do realise makes me sort of sound like a harlot, but no, it’s not even that exciting. We have been going out as in going out the door and into cinemas, restaurants, and even a science café as it happens.

And so as this song * came on tonight (note if you are diabetic, that  it is probably unsafe to listen to on account of its ultra-high sugar content), I stopped what I was doing, feeling suddenly deflated, and a little sad. Despite meeting about a dozen gentlemen in the last few months, some of them perfectly nice thank-you-very-much, I guess I am still wishing for you…

* Jasmine Ash – I wished for you

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13 thoughts on “I wish for you

    • Thanks TPG. I do need the pep talk occasionally ;). I remember your post about being ready, just letting things come in their own time, but sometimes, it feels just way too long and uncertain.
      Hope Pete is looking after you x

      • I definitely know that feeling. Most of this year I felt like I was waiting for something, and that’s very frustrating. I’d be going along, doing my thing, thinking that I wasn’t missing anything, and then WHOMP! I’d wake up feeling sad and frustrated and wondering what was wrong. It’s funny how you can be perfectly content with 98% of your life and that 2% will still rub you wrong.

        But you’re right in that you know that something that feels right will come along and you’re smart not to settle for something that’s only an imitation of that. Just be true to your heart and it will all turn out okay. 🙂

        As for Pete…. well… let’s just say there is a post coming that will likely disappoint some folks. But I am still good, and feeling clearer and calmer than ever. 🙂

        P.S. – Always nice to see a post from you. Hope you find time to write more soon!

        • Thank you for the support and the compliment TPG. I still enjoy blogging, but don’t get the urge to do it as I did before. I guess I have sort of outgrown this phase in my life ? But anyway, it’s nice to keep up with others, including you. I’m so glad things are finally looking up your end…
          Whatever happened with Pete, I hope it’s good.
          PS. I liked the marriage advice you and single dad happy dispensed… All duly noted, for if I ever get married one day 😉

  1. Perfectly normal to feel how you’re feeling, and definitely nothing wrong in having three male friends to go out with (whatever you choose to do with them!)
    I know how you feel about ‘wishing for someone else’ There’s only some people in life that “fit” and feel like magic to be with.
    Try not to wish your lovely life away on someone who doesn’t deserve you though. I’m sure it’ll all come together one day for you and you’ll wonder why you ever wasted your time.
    Just try and keep upbeat and you’ll be surprised.. You never know what exciting times are in store for you!

    • I hope you’re right… i am fairly upbeat most of the time, but at times, as TPG described it, loneliness hits you and you just loose faith that things will eventually work out.
      I hope you’re well esconced into domestic bliss before baby arrives. Enjoy, you deserve it 🙂

      • You’re right, it does. I think the thing about loneliness is though that you can forget how lonely it can be even sitting in the same room as a person who doesn’t even care. It’s like that feeling, you know when you’re in bed with someone, and they could be literally right against you – and they’re not there somehow. Loneliness comes in just so many forms. Sometimes I just long to go back to my old bedroom, put some CDs on, and have a good cry. Single isn’t such a bad thing, I miss my male drinking buddies and part time love affairs. I suppose we just can’t have it all?
        You’ll be Ok. In 8 or so hours i’ll be being induced because I’m “late” Actually, I read something interesting the other day that in France it’s 41 weeks that’s considered normal. Here it’s 40 and they don’t really give us chance to give birth naturally.
        Everything today has to be rushed.. Ha! It’s no wonder we’re all stressed and fed-up!
        Don’t lose faith or give up though just like the trees are changing colour now (in your photo) spring will
        soon be here and a chance for new things and better times x

        • Dear Nicola, I meant to wish you good luck yesterday, but in all likelihood, you’ve already got your baby in your arms by now.
          I hope all went smoothly for you.
          You’re right, normal gestations vary from country to cuontry which is odd. In France you get induced after 41+5. My daughter was born at 41+4, she was just taking her time, the cheeky thing 😉 .

          Tell us all about your baby boy. 🙂 x

    • Kim, yes, they’re all French. One is a physicist, one in IT and one teaches PE. It’s all pretty confusing right now, and I cannot really say more, sorry.
      Wishing you good things xx

  2. Hellooooo you. Lovely to get this update and find out how things are going. I wanted to share a wee story with you. When I was a single mum my own mum took me aside one day and said to me, ‘look you’re still young and you have a lot going for you, it’s time you put yourself about a bit’. PUT MYSELF ABOUT A BIT! My mother had no idea what she was REALLY saying but I understood the message. I’m glad to hear that you are getting out there because it’s only by doing that that we give ourselves any chance of meeting the right person. Oh and I’ll listen to the song when I get home. I’m sneakily reading blogs at work when I should be doing something that I can’t be bothered doing. I think the music might just give me away 😉

  3. Look at it from their point of view. They are really lucky to spend an evening with you. They should all be gratefull in my opinion. I bet you can make the dullest film seem interesting. Without even meaning to you are brightening up other lives. Reading anything from you always gives me a bit of a lift, so there’s another unintentional good deed . .

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