And it isn’t just that the sun has lost its bite, even if it’s still hot enough to wear minimal clothing.
Or that reds and golds have started creeping down the mountainsides.
Or even that I have been back in France for a full (and how full) three years…
No. As we almost imperceptibly start to drift into Autumn, I finally feel free.
It has been over a year and half since T left, and annoyingly everyone was right : Time heals. Well, … Time and the other woman being dumped unceremoniously in much the same way you were. I know, it’s not very mature or glorious, but I’ll tell you what, it still feels damn good.
I even feel sorry for the now ex-New Ms T. She probably loved him and thought she could make him happy. I can guess what she may be going through, and don’t even think she deserves it… But still, I’m not Sister Emmanuelle (well actually, I may be to some), and I’m glad this particular thorn is no longer in my side.
Besides, time and its peculiar steam-rolling effect has made things I thought would never feel right become the new norm, pain I thought would never let up all but vanish, and even my particular brand of unrelenting, wonky single mothering -with one child away every other weekend, and the other not- a bit easier to juggle. I guess with time, you get used to anything.
But most of all, I am finally free from my own demons, from the nagging doubt that I may not have been good enough, or the right person for T. Because this is it: No-one can be right for him. Too many personal issues stand between him and the ability to be happy, and still he chooses to blame his partners, rather than confront them.
This is what I instinctively knew right from the start. But somehow, my shattered confidence and T’s dazzling display of righteousness made me doubt. The situation pushed the buttons of my own past pains, and even though I have learnt to deal with these infinitely better, I still hadn’t freed myself entirely…
So while I still have some way to go down this particular path, my new-found freedom will make the journey a whole lot more enjoyable.
Icona pop – I love it
Ready for a boogie? This song makes me feel slightly old, but I don’t care, I love it …