Safe in sound

Tonight I listen to the rain tip-tapping on the skylights, and to this song on a loop.

Mister modo & ugly mac beer – Safe in sound (don’t be put off by the weird name, it is in fact a beautiful chill-out number)

I am curled on the sofa, staring into space at the amaryllis overhead, too tired to move. It has been another busy weekend. In fact, being perpetually brimming, demanding my attention, my energy, and keeping me on the edge of too much, seem to be chronic characteristics of my life.

I’m not complaining. To an extent, this is the way I like it, and this is the way I make it. Still, sometimes I wonder: How much of this frantic activity is to avoid surprises like noticing strands of grey in my hair (what is going here, obviously a mistake, I don’t remember ordering those), the empty other half of the bed, or the way so many friends are currently facing the illness or the loss of one of their parent? How much of it is a distraction from thinking, from facing the universal fears that set us apart from, say being zoo-plankton?

The fact is that I am not unhappy. I am not deliriously-woop-woop happy either, but I’m ok. I love my children and think they are so amazing, I cannot possibly have made them. Eighteen months on, I still actively dislike my ex T, but I’m hoping this too will eventually get better. I have a lot of work at work, meals to cook, laundry to fold and tomatoes to stake at home, a lot of friends, a good life and two very, very tight shoulders.

I guess I just wish someone would be there to rub them tonight.


15 thoughts on “Safe in sound

  1. This is, in some ways, the calm before the storm. Not the rainstorm (I just had one of those and it will take a few more days to get over to you). But the busy times that will ensue when some worthy Man arrives gift-wrapped at your door.

    Now you have time to ponder what works and what doesn’t in a Man companion, where you’d like to tour with a nice and compatible Man…and what body parts to remove from the next Man that doesn’t hang around long enough.

    • Hey SD,

      I do look forward to my order of a worthy Man being delivered on my door-step. Not sure I want to take you up on the body parts removal though, it may stain my carpet, eugh…
      😉 xx

  2. ~~~~Lady E,
    When the right man comes along, YOU. will. Know. It.
    In the meantime, treat yourself to a pedicure. It does a girl gooood.
    Thinking of you, dear. Xxxx Smooches from Mn.

    • Hey Kim,

      Let’s hope you’re right about finding Mr Right. I need t oget myself in gear and get back to internet dating *sigh* 😉

  3. Since I can not use my Sicilian tendencies this close to home, I’m happy to fly over there and take care of some business for you if you need me to. ;-).
    Too bad I’m not there. Having taught Anatomy for almost 30 years, and knowing every muscle imagineable, I can make those shoulder concede to relaxation. Alas, for you….a portable heated neck massager will probably have to do. But…if you can find a good HellerWorker (deep massage and myofascial release techniques) over there, I highly suggest using their services. Peace to you E.

    • Aaaw, thanks LFBA, and excellent suggestions. I’m seeing an osteopath tomorrow, which will be a start because my neck and shoulders have been hurting for a couple of weeks and I’ve had enough.
      How have you been?

  4. I was delighted to see your post today. You popped into my head this morning as I was walking to work and I wondered how you were doing. The thing is you are a sensitive lady and this is how you carry your life with you. You sound very grounded, a little sad and infinitely capable – you go girl. Good to hear from you.

    • Hey Jacqueline, great minds, I have been wondering about you too! Life is good right now… I guess it’ll be even better when I’ve finally met Mr Right, but at least I’m in a much better place than I was a year ago. 🙂 x

  5. You sound in a good place. I’m glad. Enjoyed the song.

    BTW, I’m actively disliking D again these days. Comes and goes. His new wife is an idiot.

    • So glad you enjoyed the song. It’s my current evening soundtrack :).
      Sorry to hear that you are back to getting aggravated by D, shame his ow (she’ll only ever be that in my eyes, marriage or not) is an idiot…
      Let’s hope our exes quickly become insignificant little annoyances to both of us! xx

      • I was up late last night. I can see my aggression was popping out. Thanks for letting me sound off about the ow in your space. She’s been stalking me via my blog for months now. I’m a bit more lucid this morning so I’m able to laugh at myself and at her. Poor thing.

        • Well, well, well… Do you know what, however annoying it may be for you, the fact that this idiot is stalking your blog is a definite sign that she does not feel secure in her relationship. And therefore, she cannot be happy. Serves her right.
          Feel free to vent any time!
          🙂 xx

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