And every time I move a limb, or so much as shift in my seat, muscles I never even knew existed sternly remind me of this fact.
In my defence, I have been deprived of a garden for the last two years, and got carried away with the excitement of having one again. In fact, planting tomatoes is probably my number one fantasy of the moment, and so I ordered 3 tons of good garden soil to be delivered to my scrawny, tissue-sized patch of weeds (also known as my beautiful garden), thinking that I’d have a shovel & rake party with lots of friends to help spread it when it came.
The only trouble is it arrived yesterday. And what with this being Easter week, and everyone being away on holiday, there’s no-one around to help. Oooh, and it keeps raining, which makes the soil twice as heavy and about a zillion times as sticky… Hummm, need I say more?
On another level of spectacular foolishness, I don’t actually think my whole hysterical it’s-all-over breakdown registered on Mr Nice’s radar last week (thank you god, even though I don’t even believe you exist). In fact, Mr Nice is currently happy, away on holiday, and looking forward to our first ever weekend away together next week. Gulp.
So there was me going ballistic and jumping to conclusions because he was a bit off and distant, while he was just having a bit of a rough time. Re-gulp. How stupid do I feel on a scale of one to ten? Pretty damn stupid…
Anyway, these are the lessons from last week, that I will chant every night :
- Do keep working on your self-confidence (yes, that’s me. How weird, I am addressing myself in the second person)
- Do take a step back from Mr Nice when you feel insecure, let him take the lead again
- Do make a list of the twenty top reasons why you’re great (thank you Jodi)
- Do eat your body-weight in chocolate
- Do not jump to conclusions.
- In doubt, give Mr Nice the benefit of the doubt.
- If doubt persists, call Separated Dad for male perspective – usually something to the effect of “What?…I cannot believe you are even getting worked up about this? What is it about you women?” but said really nicely) .
- Do not stop eating and sleeping. How is that ever supposed to help?
- Do not under any circumstance let Mr Nice know how
madinsecure you are.
- Venting to the whole world by means of the internet might not be such a fabulous idea either (Yeah, alright, message received but I cannot let go of my security blanket just yet, ok?).
There, if you were still in doubt as to my degree of insanity, this nice little dialogue with myself should have confirmed all your worst fears.
I feel dramatically old and wise all of a sudden. No, wait, it’s only that my back is killing me.
Regina Spektor – All the rowboats