Foolishness World Championships

Ten days away from April fool, I am still the biggest fool this side of 2012.

And every time I move a limb, or so much as shift in my seat, muscles I never even knew existed sternly remind me of this fact.

In my defence, I have been deprived of a garden for the last two years, and got carried away with the excitement of having one again. In fact, planting tomatoes is probably my number one fantasy of the moment, and so I ordered 3 tons of good garden soil to be delivered to my scrawny, tissue-sized patch of weeds (also known as my beautiful garden), thinking that I’d have a shovel & rake party with lots of friends to help spread it when it came.

The only trouble is it arrived yesterday. And what with this being Easter week, and everyone being away on holiday,Β  there’s no-one around to help. Oooh, and it keeps raining, which makes the soil twice as heavy and about a zillion times as sticky… Hummm, need I say more?

On another level of spectacular foolishness, I don’t actually think my whole hysterical it’s-all-over breakdown registered on Mr Nice’s radar last week (thank you god, even though I don’t even believe you exist). In fact, Mr Nice is currently happy, away on holiday, and looking forward to our first ever weekend away together next week. Gulp.

So there was me going ballistic and jumping to conclusions because he was a bit off and distant, while he was just having a bit of a rough time. Re-gulp. How stupid do I feel on a scale of one to ten? Pretty damn stupid…

Anyway, these are the lessons from last week, that I will chant every night :

  • Do keep working on your self-confidence (yes, that’s me. How weird, I am addressing myself in the second person)
  • Do take a step back from Mr Nice when you feel insecure, let him take the lead again
  • Do make a list of the twenty top reasons why you’re great (thank you Jodi)
  • Do eat your body-weight in chocolate
  • Do not jump to conclusions.
  • In doubt, give Mr Nice the benefit of the doubt.
  • If doubt persists, call Separated Dad for male perspective – usually something to the effect ofΒ  “What?…I cannot believe you are even getting worked up about this? What is it about you women?” but said really nicely) .
  • Do not stop eating and sleeping. How is that ever supposed to help?
  • Do not under any circumstance let Mr Nice know how mad insecure you are.
  • Venting to the whole world by means of the internet might not be such a fabulous idea either (Yeah, alright, message received but I cannot let go of my security blanket just yet, ok?).

There, if you were still in doubt as to my degree of insanity, this nice little dialogue with myself should have confirmed all your worst fears.

I feel dramatically old and wise all of a sudden. No, wait, it’s only that my back is killing me.

Regina Spektor – All the rowboats

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15 thoughts on “Foolishness World Championships

  1. You sound perfectly sane and balanced to me. The beginning of a relationship can be tricky and yes it is difficult to know if we’re getting it right. Do you know what though, we don’t always have to get it right and anyway we always have our body weight in chocolate to fall back on. πŸ˜† Good luck for the garden. No matter how much your body hurts it is my firm belief that both gardening and chocolate are good for the soul. Take care positive lady. Jx

    • Thanks Jacqueline, I think you’re absolutely right, things are tricky, and it is especially difficult to know if we’re getting it right or not.
      Hope you’re spending a lovely Easter, in spite of the grim weather. πŸ™‚

    • I’m going on hol this afternoon, so sod the pile of soil, it can wait until I get back. I’m off to the sunny Mediterranean coast, woohoo! πŸ™‚

  2. Good luck with your garden and your love and Mr. Nice. I just wanted to say I think it’s okay to be insecure as we all are. It’s okay. Then I thought of something funny when I read:

    Do eat your body-weight in chocolate
    Do not jump to conclusions

    I thought, if you eat your body weight in chocolate, you’ll never be able to jump to conclusions or anywhere else for that matter. Just a laugh.

    Julie

  3. Well, in my humble opinion, venting to the world beats a lot of other options! You could have vented all of that directly to Mr. Nice and possibly appeared crazy, which you are not. Now you’ve effectively processed it in a safe place where people love you! Ta-dah! So, when you’re feeling insecure again, look out at your garden. I’m sure it will either give your anxiety a place to prune and pick, or it will provide you with a beautiful metaphor for whatever situation you are in. Post away, Lady E.

    • Cheers DFB…You’re right of course, venting to the internet is better than venting to Mr Nice who would think me insane, but…I don’t know, some real life people do read this blog, and it somehow doesn’t feel right that they should have all this information that Mr Nice doesn’t.
      Whatever, I’m not ready to give up on the online support just yet. Not feeling strong enough…
      And growing stuff in the garden is therapeutic in so many ways. Mr Nice helped with the raking, and ta-dah, I’ve been able to start planting away… πŸ™‚

  4. I love reading your Blog. its funny how we often fear the worst and then find we have the wrong end of the stick. Don’t over garden again. The aches just are nt worth it, though its lovely to have your own green space I know

    • Hey Counting Ducks, good to hear from you, and good to see you’re writing again, plenty for me to catch up on!
      My garden is a mess and is going to need a lot of work just now? But I love it, really… πŸ™‚

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