So far, Mr Nice hasn’t said anything about us. He is going through a really hard time personally, and just has to work through it.
There isn’t much I can do for him. But I offered time, space, my ears and affection if he needed them. How remarkably sensible and boring is that?
No really, can you imagine that I managed to utter these words, even though my own deepest insecurities are having a pretty wild fest in my head, and I actually meant them? I know, I’m still in shock… And I deserve a chocolate. Or two. Maybe ten?
Right, erm, moving on : So, ok two and a bit months into a relationship, this isn’t exactly the kind of Hollywood romance scenario we all
somewhat stupidly dream about. This is reality (sadly, and I do not have Jennifer Aniston’s legs either, which quite frankly, is a crying shame).
Mr Nice and I realised from the start that we came with a lot of baggage. This meant that we understood each other, and in a funny way, it brought us closer. But we also knew that stopping the baggage from tumbling on top of our relationship would be a challenge.
Now, to me, this is a worthy challenge. Not just because I like challenges (yes, I know, I am a bit weird like that). But because I really like Mr Nice (I thought I’d state the blatantly obvious), because he brings a lot of good things into my life (and quite frankly, he is effing gorgeous).
Anyway, right now, whatever happens, I am working through my insecurity fest, with ear defenders on, and the righteous determination of a French airport security worker on strike. This is hard work I tell you, undeniably up there in my top ten Hardest Things Ever.
This whole staying focused on the good, standing on my own two feet, realising I don’t need anyone else, and trusting myself lark is an incredibly tough battle, requiring to let go and unlearn beliefs and behaviours I have been clinging to forever.
This song is my anthem today. And you know what? Whilst I cannot pretend to actually feel good, I don’t feel so bad either. Which in itself is a medium-sized (let’s say bag of Haribo sweets-sized) victory. I know, I’ve got a thing going on with sweets tonight, haven’t I?
Nina Simone – Feeling good