The stars blink, indifferent and far in the frozen sky, winter and its desolation are on their way. The sun struggles to truly warm the short days, there are less and less leaves on the trees, and children are fantasising over Christmas lists.
I have been feeling fragile again lately. It’s nothing comparable to the early days of the separation, most of the time, the pain has dulled as everyone predicted, and I feel on a more even keel. But I am not happy, and T is still a thorn in my side.
Incidentally, he is taking The New Ms T off to a large Italian city for the weekend… With our daughter whose birthday is on Monday. She will be two, and I really fail to see how sticking her in a car for hours, wandering around a cold city and staying in a hotel can be an enjoyable way to celebrate her birthday. Annoyingly, there’s also an unmistakable pang of jealousy I cannot suppress at the thought that T has organised this trip, when he never did anything of the sort with me.
Anyway, back on the French side of the Alps, I have been feeling overwhelmed, struggling to keep up with the demands of work, sick children, and forever a million things to sort out, anticipate, and organise. I have been going through the days automatically, missing something I could not put my finger on.
Until i-tunes’ random ploughing through my music library turned up this old Massive Attack track, and gave me a small epiphany: What I miss is to hide in someone’s arms for a while, feel protected.
Massive attack – Protection: