The fine line

Nearly two weeks into the new house, we still have no internet. Or telephone. Or television. I have stopped phoning anyone, lest I have to rob a bank to pay for my next mobile phone bill. It is a little bit like living in the stone age, only without the facial hair thing going on.

Without modern-day distractions, I have resorted to something homo australopithecus surely did before going to bed, which is ploughing through theย  pile of books they’d ordered on Amazon a long time ago but never gotten around to reading.

I have enjoyed this, especially “Every last one” by Anna Quindlen, one of my favourite authors. I won’t spoil the plot for you, but will just say that I could not sleep once I’d reached the second half of the novel, and for a fleeting moment, I felt like T leaving was such a minor blip, considering I still had my two spoilt brats, hair-raising monsters delightful children.

This book brings home the terrifying fragility of all that we take for granted in our lives, all that isn’t enough to make us happy, but should make us treasure every day like it is going to be the last.

That’s the theory anyway. In practice, I get bogged down by shopping lists, broken locks, and a ragged feeling of loneliness. There’s such a fine line between feeling ok, even mildly happy at times, and sinking back into misery. It never ceases to amaze me.

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11 thoughts on “The fine line

  1. Well and succinctly put. The horrors of moving still haunt me regarding phone and internet. I nearly got on a plane and flew to Delhi to explain to the BT call centre that I’d only moved 1 mile, I wanted the phone in my name not my husband’s as the s*d had left and if their idea of internet access was it not working then I wasn’t paying!!

    So my thoughts are with you. And yes there is a very fine line…….

    As the song says:

    http://icansurvive.wordpress.com/2011/04/13/there-is-a-fine-fine-line/

    • How delicate are you? ๐Ÿ™‚ Instead of “sod”, one of the mildest forms of admonishment in the English language, you used “s*d” … awww, what a softie!

    • Well, it sounds like Neuf telecom got scared I would fly to give their call-centre guys an earful in Marrakech, I have the internet, woohoo!
      Thanks for the song, for sure another interesting kind of fine line… ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I like that WordPress gives us the chance to show crossed-out text. It adds texture when we can ‘pretend reveal’ the the things we are suppressing!

    I haven’t read the book but wonder about the loneliness. It should be balanced by the certainties you have: a stable house for your kids to grow up in, a stable job that keeps you busy and/or thinking, more concrete separation from T (PACS, apartment, division of furniture, etc.), suppportive friends in the real world, suppportive blog friends. With this support system, you can keep pushing forward. Maybe it’s time to go out on a few exploratory light-hearted dates with some local?

    • Not ready for dates, I feel it in my guts, I am still too scared and too scarred, it’s too early for me. I have met up with a local, but have been very clear about my intent to make friends as opposed to friends with benefits; still, I’m going to the cinema with him tonight, and he’ll be fixing my lock. But no, nothing more ๐Ÿ˜‰

      • That’s good; light-hearted fun to make you smile and laugh. Note that most people, if they don’t read your original post carefully, will wonder what you mean by him “fixing your lock” ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Anna Quindlen is one of my favorites, too. I haven’t read this one. I’ll order it on my Nook.

    After all this time I still feel myself walking that fine line whenever something particularly emotional strikes. I should be well-ensconced on the positive side of the line by now but on occasion I’m not. I still get lonely.

    • Isn’t it frustrating that however far we’ve come, however much we’ve done to get better, there are still times when suddenly we sink back?
      I find it very dispiriting, it makes my very real progress and relative happiness feel so fragile…
      As for the loneliness, I think we are social animals, not meant to live by ourselves period. We can get used to it in a way, we can fill our lives in other ways, some people even like it (weirdos ๐Ÿ˜‰ ), but mostly, it is normal that we should feel lonely.
      I hope you find a decent man to look after you soon xx

  4. —- “Thereโ€™s such a fine line between feeling ok, even mildly happy at times, and sinking back into misery. It never ceases to amaze me.”

    This sentence is SO TRUE. Unbelievably True.

  5. Thank you, and welcome to the blog! Yes, I find it so annoying that I can be fine one minute, and then something minor upsets me and boom, I fall down and have to start clawing my way back up from 5 meters below.
    Anyway, you may particularly enjoy the book given your background. It deals very cleverly with having to live after the unthinkable happens…
    Take care!

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