I had not even realised it, but yesterday was the 6 months anniversary of when my life came crashing down. It also happened to be a particularly crappy day, at the end of a particularly crappy week.
Work has been stressful, home has been the same run-of-the-mills-at-high-speed-with-a-very-heavy-stone-around-the-neck, and I have felt like crying at least 23 times a day.
When T decided to behave like a complete let-down towards my son once again, I collapsed into an incoherent, sobbing heap, feeling even lower than I had in a long time… And this is when I may have broken through the pain barrier, because an hour later I found myself cruising at MAC2 chatting to a friend on Skype while munching on some biscuits.
This person has been hovering in the sidelines of my life for the last few months, patiently witnessing my displays of Academy-awards worthy performance on the theme of grief. I have gradually become used to their support, and even started relying on them without giving it too much thought. Because although they is in fact a bloke, I have felt safe in the knowledge that they belong to the category of unfanciable people.
Only breaking through the pain barrier may have plonked some glasses in front of my unseeing eyes. Uh-oh.
To my dearest friend Jo.
Monaco – What do you want from me: