Morning blues

I love everything about Summer: The light, the heat, the fact it takes 10 seconds flat to get dressed in the morning… The last few days have been glorious, the mountains trembling in a haze of heat, the sky a flawless dark blue, and a gentle breeze making the 34-35°C temperatures just right for napping under a tree.

In spite of this, I have been feeling down again, my thoughts annoyingly scratching away at my latest wound: Only 3 km across town, under the same radiant morning sky, someone is waking up in his arms every morning, and it isn’t me.

A year ago, we’d gone out to celebrate the Fête de la musique (By the way, if you ever plan to visit France, here’s a mental note for you: 21st of June each year, one of France’s best traditions), as a family, and had a good time but had to go home early to put the children to bed. We’d planned to get a baby-sitter this year and have a fab night out together. We did not get a chance to do this, or much of the going-out, going away and any of the nice times that reinforce a relationship. He must have gone to the Fête de la musique with The New Ms T instead…

Now, I know full well that a) thinking along those lines will not achieve anything except hurting me, b) the way he has treated me means I am probably better off without T, but I cannot help it, I feel so tired and down-trodden, so overwhelmed with the task of getting through the never-ending cycle of things-to-do-today, that I don’t have the strength to prise my brain away from the scratch.

What I really need is a) A holiday, preferably 6 months long and involving somewhere very, very far away, strictly no chores and round-the-clock childcare on tap, b) My very own lethally attractive Rebound Guy to take me out and worship the ground I walk on.

In all simplicity, I think this should suffice…

Today’s song was suggested by my lovely friend Sonia, whose heart was once broken in Spanish. Cool video, thank you!


9 thoughts on “Morning blues

  1. I can do the holiday and the childcare??? Not 6 months, and barely a skip and a hop away….but a something???

    • I know, looking forward to our holiday…Not long now. It is nice to have something to look forward to. Thanks for everything, having friends like you does make me feel like a million euros actually 🙂

  2. You can’t help but think like this and you will be for some time. That is natural. It will stop when you care about him less but for that to happen you probably must be “kicked in your stomach” many times..
    Enjoy the warm weather, get some tan, put nice clothes on, beautiful make up, and just make yourself feel million euros 🙂

    • Thanks Surrey Gal, I’m trying…But failing a bit these days. Anyway, I’ll keep on trying until it works, what else can we do? Hope your week is starting well. x

      • “failing a bit these days” means you are still trying.

        tout cela c’est de la merde…..but you still try. Some days you fall back. Others you inch forward.

        You have your kids. There is life ahead of you.
        Maybe for awhile you just need to be better for them…and in doing you will get better for you.

        BUT…there are no set timelines. No magical date when you “should” be better.

        C’est un voyage au cours des tessons de verre brisé

        They cut you, but eventually, as you continue over that road…
        vous les portez jusqu’à gemmes brillantes

        Peace to you.
        (apologies if my grammar is off) ;=)

        • Hey LFBA, very impressed with your French!
          Yes, I like your image of a journey over broken glass: It certainly feels that painful, and I am soooo tired of it.
          The gems cannot come to soon, I feel all broken.
          Peace to you too…

  3. It was a LONG time ago that I last tried this language.

    and I think I should have said “vous les porter jusqu’à gemmes brillantes” insetad of “vous les portez jusqu’à gemmes brillantes”

    But I hope you got the meaning anyway.

    A long holday would do you well….surrounded by friends old and new, breaking bread, around the table. There is another French saying i believe…
    ” personne ne les âges à la table”…is this correct? “nobody ages at the dinenr table”?

    Anyway…i wish you peace. You. Me, Surrey, the other 20 blogs I have read about the same thing…all of us, will get through this.

    être bien

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