I feel suspended somewhere in the blue sky outside my window, where the swifts do their crazy stunts in the light breeze. It is a perfect Sunday afternoon.

T and my son are playing together in the living room, our daughter has gone down for her nap, and I am also hoping to catch up on some sleep. My heart feels messy, swollen with joy and sadness all mixed together, and I can recognise a fragile glimmer of hope.

This morning, T came to see the children and we ended up all going for a picnic in the park, quite weirdly having a lovely time together…as a family.

These moments are so fragile and simple, I wish I could just suspend time.

Norah Jones – Come away with me:


7 thoughts on “Suspended

  1. A picnic together, T and your son getting along, and that glimmer of hope that it might portend more days like this. That’s definitely a nice combination! Revel in every family moment today. Maybe even video the fun between T and the kids.

  2. It pains me to read what you are writing. Because I see myself a couple of years ago… we went through exactly the same things…
    I’m glad though that you had a nice day and some happy-ish moments. You need them.

    • Hey there Surrey Gal. Thanks for the perspective, it will help me not get ahead of myself…I’d be curious to hear your take on what the renewed interest in family life may correspond to then?

      • Every situation is different and I’m hoping yours is completely different to mine, and that yours will end in a way that mine didn’t…
        But we had those “family” days out in the park, plays in the living room when he came to spend some time with the girls, birthdays spent together…
        All is left now is some photos where we all look happy families and if you didn’t know you would never guessed that we were two half-strangers then.
        I don’t know why T left, and what he is thinking… maybe he is realising slowly his mistake and missing the family he once had. Hopefully. Maybe he is trying to fix what he fucked up. Or trying to see which option is better – family or freedom.
        Whatever it is, it’s been short time, so I think everything is possible!

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  4. Thanks for yor guesses Surrey Gal, it’s food for thought…The trying to see which option is better sounds like a plausible scenario, maybe, who knows? Anyway, just wondering why does your STBX not see the children regularly anymore?

    • He does, kind of, we live in different countries, so he only comes once a month or so. And he takes the children away, then brings them back to me.

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