Four months on

It is already May… In France, it is customary to give lily-of-the-valley to celebrate the 1st of May. I have no idea why actually, does anyone have a clue?

This year, the sweet smell of  the lily caught me by surprise: It’s already been four month since, with barely more warning time than a tsunami, my partner T announced that our relationship was over and that he was moving out of the family home. In reaction to the destruction, I felt the urge to do something creative, and because I am useless at knitting, or pottery, I started this blog.

A season has passed, and the reasons why T left remain nebulous at best. I can sort of accept that he initially exploded in the way a  human pressure cooker would, unable to vent frustrations accumulated for too long. That he may have needed to go away to clear his head, to find himself, or to solve the great mysteries of universal expansion…

But what I cannot accept, is the fact that he is still not giving us a chance to talk, to at least try to understand how we got to where we are, and what could be done differently. What will we tell the children in ten years? That their family was broken on a whim, without so much as an attempt to fix it? Call me old-fashioned but I cannot resolve myself to surrendering without having so much as a chance to fight.

Meanwhile, the blog has turned out to be more than my pathetic personal take on a somehow banal predicament. I discovered blog-hopping, and ever the scientist investigated how other broken hearts got to bleed, sometimes putting healing words on the mess inside my head, sometimes forging unexpected virtual links.

Along the way, I also learnt to ignore those who seem to live in Teletubbies land: The I-read-the-bible-and-Jesus-saved-me, or everything-happens-for-a-purpose-you-just have-to be-positive types. In fact, I sometimes wonder what these people have been smoking (the carpet?).

Aaah, a little European bout of negativity, how refreshing…


11 thoughts on “Four months on

  1. Him leaving is bad enough but, you’re right, how will the kids cope if they don’t even know exactly what went wrong? Either or both them might feel in some way responsible and that guilt might haunt them.

    He owes you more. He owes you a discussion, an explanation, a chance to explore the big “WHY”. And you can tell him I said that. But don’t tell him where I live.

    • Thanks Struggling Dad, now I know what to tell himnext time I see him ;).
      The problem of course is that there are always two sides to a story, and his side says he does not owe me anything…

  2. I think it’s all very well keeping talking about you and your heartbreak and how well you’re doing adjusting to this pig of a situation. But I think now is the time to bring the focus back to me and how well I’ve done not contacting “T” and telling him EXACTLY what I think!!! (I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had his facebook page open ready to let rip!). And today’s comments just send me back to square one. Bloody Furious. Hmph!

    (but I still think you’re marvellous xx)

    • Love it Jo! D’you want to do a guest post?? An open letter to T… i think it could be a laugh. A message on his facebook page leaves me dreaming: It has to be a personal fantasy of mine that his friends/family get to see what he’s done for what it really is: iresponsible, disrepectful crap.
      Thanks for cheering me up and kisses to the family.

  3. What is Guest blog? (I don’t speak blog!) I’ll happily write anything you need – how’s his english these days??

    And Struggling Dad – I have a few chosen words I wouldn’t mind sharing with your other half too! 😉

    Both blogs are beautifully written and very humbling xx

    • Jo, a guest post would be some text that you write and that I publish on this blog. Might be funny…If you can be arsed 😉
      But remember, you’ve only got my side of the story and he sees things very differently…

      • E is trying to be reasonable and balanced. Very sweet of her, but Jo, that’s where you come in. Write him up, let him have it. Anonymously of course.

        I think we can give my wife (not yet an ex-wife) a little longer before a literary lashing is due… 🙂

    • Hey Surrey Gal, my guess is that thinking about he did does not make him feel too good about himself so he wants to avoid it. He’s rushing towards the future, conveniently trying to avoid thinking about the past…But at the end of the end, only he knows. Did you and ex-hubby do much talking wen the relationship broke up?

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