Sad Waltz

I climb off the train with a bag and suitcase, then head back inside against a tutting crowd to pick up the buggy containing my screaming daughter -I had the cheek to snatch away the pouch of apple compote she was painting herself with. The buggy gets jammed into the train door, and it takes three people to free it. My back muscles have done something funny and I weave the buggy one-handed through the crowd. As we get out of the station, the skies open, which temporarily silences the screaming toddler.

Her father, aka my ex T, is picking us up in his snazzy Audi A3 (I know, the poor guy is obviously is the throngs of a mid-life crisis at the grand old age of 28…). In the car, something beautiful by Sibelius comes on the radio, and I am transported back to a not-so-distant past when we used to smile at each other when some music we liked came on. I sneak a sideways glance at his handsome profile, he is looking straight ahead through the curtain of rain.

Fellow blogger Meredith recently commented that even after two years, her ex-husband and her still waltzed between relatively easy company and arctic-cold distance when you would not believe they had been together. I wonder if this makes T and her ex sad too, and if time will really heal us all…

Sibelius – Sad waltz


8 thoughts on “Sad Waltz

  1. Forget him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know that is extremely difficult but it is essential for you own psychological and sentimental health. Please Manu, you are now the most important thing for yourself and T doesn´t matter.
    Don’t think in future, think in being happy in this moment (in every moment). Think you are a very inteligent, charm and beautiful women and everyone who doesn`t see that, wasn’t worth the effort.


  2. Hey Soni,
    I know you’re right, but sadly I cannot get myself en eternal sunshine of the spotless mind, and I am condemned to seeing the guy every week+ talking to him most days.
    Thanks for the compliments…
    How are you??

  3. I agree with Soni, that’s the best advice.
    And I also know what you mean, it’s easier said than done, mind thinks one thing and heart does its own business….

    • I agree Surrey Girl, we know about the need to let go about what once was, but actually letting go is another thing entirely. Doesn’t it just suck?

  4. Time does heal, although I’ve yet to decide if time heals us completely. As long as you have a child together, I disagree that you can (and maybe even that you should) “forget him.” And that’s the toughest part–the accepting that the past relationship is over, the finding a way in the midst of the pain to create a new relationship centered around your daughter, and the mending your broken heart while you do it. It’s not fun and it’s not easy, but it does get better and easier. Keep going.

    • Once again you are spot on (how do you do it, I’m jealous ;)…It’s not as much about forgetting him as accepting that the past relationship is dead, and working through the pain to build something different. I’m failing pretty miserably on both accounts for now, but here’s hoping you’re right and it does get better.

      • You’re not failing. You’re trying, and that’s not failing. The “time” part comes in handy here. Get through each day, each meeting, each First Time where things are different. It won’t always be this hard and it won’t always hurt this badly.

  5. Hi

    Thank you posting on my blog. I do agree about “forget him/her” its most hardest when there are children involved…. specially when at times you look at the kids and you will see her face in them. Sometimes the hurt just comes back.

    Being the one left behind makes me wonder if all i ever did was be a bad person that she just had enough and left, i cant blame myself all the time, its over anyway.

    I would like your opinion on what i wrote recently. please do share your thoughts.


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