Landing

On the outside, I am a non-descript business traveller sitting on an airplane, smartly dressed and a bit dazed from the early morning start, on the inside, I am lost. A week has gone by since my fuse-blowing weekend, and there have been enough washloads to hang, nappies to change, and bills to pay to force-land me back down on Earth.

Here’s a revelation (someone call Hello Magazine, quick): I am not young, carefree and single. No, wait, I am single apparently. Even if, when T crouched to cuddle our daughter yesterday, a familiar urge to bend down and kiss the soft skin at the back of his neck virtually keeled me over. Old habits die hard… Is three and a half months old though?

These three and a half months seem to have stretched into an eternity, a rough sea of overwhelming emotions buffeting me like a piece of driftwood (or is it an old plastic bag?). I no longer know who I am, or what I want.

Right now, I am eight kilometres above the ground, with no-one in sight to ask “are we there yet?” every twenty seconds, or wipe their snotty nose on my trouser legs -unless, of course, the cabin crew decided to surprise me… I fasten my seat belt and get ready for landing.

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4 thoughts on “Landing

  1. Old habits do die hard. And cliche as it is, time is the best doctor… Stay strong and take time in figuring out who you are…
    It took me loooong time to start finding myself… I’m not sure if I’m there yet.

  2. Thanks Surrey gal! Mmm, how long? Are we there yet :o)?…I know your wise words are true, and I am just impatient. Have had enough of feeling pants and in limbo. Take care

  3. Now or in the future you may wonder, “Will there be someone else?”

    Something that happened this evening reminded of these words of yours: “…when T crouched to cuddle our daughter yesterday, a familiar urge to bend down and kiss the soft skin at the back of his neck virtually keeled me over…”

    Right there is the answer to your question: Yes.

    The who and when is unknowable. But not everyone has the kind of tenderness you talked about above, especially after months of heartache. Sometime after this Nor’easter has finished wreaking its havoc on your heart and life, you will be able to turn that depth of feeling to someone else. Weather the storm.

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