The first cut is the deepest

French Atlantic coast- 1992

Some twenty-one years ago, I turned sixteen. While my contemporaries ploughed their way through boys, I got swept up by love and surfed it for four years. Skater Boy and I got thrown together, giddy with the discovery that we could share so much with another human being, by the depth of our connection and the brute force of our feelings.

We wrote each other letters every day, spent hours freezing in public phones because our parents eventually banned us from hogging using our home landlines – Remember, that time between the Jurassic and Cretaceous, when there were no emails or mobile phones? We gave each other comfort and confidence from teenage to early adulthood, grew-up entwined in each other.

Then we hit problems we did not have the maturity to understand, let alone solve, he freaked out and ran off. Ok, for those of you who, like Struggling Dad, worry that I may be Job’s little sister, or that my life has been a long line of being dumped, don’t, it’s kind of a 50/50 split actually (more about this here).

A few months later, he realised what he had lost, and desperately tried to pedal his way back to my heart, but it was too late. This left us both stunned with regret, and pain that lasted through most of our twenties. Some days I worry that history may repeat itself, and this makes it even harder to let go of T.

I owe Skater Boy my eclectic musical tastes. Stone Roses – I wanna be adored

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5 thoughts on “The first cut is the deepest

  1. When you talk about the struggles of maintaining a relationship as a teen growing into an adult, and the insightful comments about why that relationship might have failed, it makes me wonder.

    Maybe not all of us grow emotionally as much as we think. Getting older doesn’t necessarily link to maturity. Maybe some people coast along, trapped in the emotional maturity of a teen, until something hurtful or eventful occurs and then grow from that experience. Maybe some people need to have had some hard knocks to gain the maturity needed to handle the bigger problems of dealing with marriage and kids and responsibilities. And, without these early struggles, dealing with adult-size problems is impossible. For them, running away and abandoning a sposue seems like a solution rather than an even bigger problem.

    Alas, there are too many maybes concatenated together to make my reasoning viable. Maybe it’s just me hoping that my own unfolding disaster will yield some small benefit…

  2. Struggling dad, I think each relationship is different and each person grows up emotionally at their own pace. So you might be right…
    It is so hard to work out the whys when the other half of a couple chooses to disengage themselves. I hope you get the benefits you are hoping for.
    Take care

  3. Pingback: Two Views on Soul-Mates | I think Divorce is likely

  4. Pingback: Two views on soulmates « Poor cow in France

  5. Pingback: Two Views on Soul-Mates | Four is a Family

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