The mountains are cloaked in fog, I snuggle under a blanket, listen to the rain coming down hard, and go over Friday’s mediation in my head. Love is such a peculiar thing…
Can it really be so fragile that it would shatter under the weight of the daily grind, in spite of all that brought T and I together? When the mediator asked what had attracted us to each other, we both said that we had a lot in common and could recognise ourselves in the other, that we valued having a family above all else.
I realise with a jolt that these still holds true in a way, and that part of his brutality is a desperate attempt to escape the pain he feels at hurting me. “Trust him with your son and let it go”, the mediator said, “because the more you interfere to protect your children, the further away it drives him”.
Through a fog of pain and fear, I am beginning to make out the unspoken implication that hung in the airless room: That I should let him go full stop. Now, how the heck are you supposed to do that?