Have you ever felt ashamed of the way you treated some people in previous relationships?
Bile rose in my throat this morning as I contemplated the fact that I too, in the past, have abandoned some perfectly good men who truly loved me, because I was fleeing my own problems. I remember how suffocated I felt, how liberating the escape, how sad they were that they really wanted to make me happy, yet I wouldn’t let them. What if this was what happened to T?… What if he too felt he had never truly loved me? What if he never looked back?
Except of course there are two significant (p=0.02) differences between my past mistreatment of men and the current situation: One is seven, and feels abandoned yet again by the man who was supposed to bring him up. The other one is not even walking, yet her own father has walked out on her family.
(To J I hurt so badly, to S and S, you were all so good to me)